I recently watched two documentaries; one was called "Rewind This!", about the rise and fall of the VHS tape. The other was a follow up film called "Adjust Your Tracking" which focused on VHS collectors and their passion for the now defunct format. These two films made me nostalgic for the old days. The days of going to the video store and renting VHS tapes, especially films that I really could not see any other way. From the goriest horror movies, the craziest martial arts films and the just plain odd movie that can't be explained. It was these hidden gems that inspired me to write this blog and provided hours of entertainment, not only during the act of watching, but discussing, laughing at and often connecting with other people because of these films. "Hey, you've seen Killer Clowns from Outer Space!" was something I had said when meeting a new friend in college once. So, with all this nostalgia for old VHS films, what can I do to satisfy my craving for that time period? It's not like I can just go to the local video store and get myself a VHS tape of a Chuck Norris film and pop into my VCR . None of those things exist anymore. Streaming is the new video store, but Netflix doesn't always carry the oddball movies I would like. Enter The Cult Movie Network. I discovered this Netflix style streaming service on my Blu Ray Player (I have since upgraded to a Roku Streaming Stick) and since the price was right and well, if you've read this blog at all (or know me personally) you're aware that I have a great affection for films of the not so high quality. Well, I decided to give The Cult Movie Network a shot. First up, Sorority Babes in the Dance a Thon of Death. Yes folks, it's as good as it sounds, but contains some false advertising.
Ok, so when one watches a movie called "Sorority Babes in the Dance a Thon of Death" you have certain expectations, this film did not live up to those expectations. Why? First off, when one says the word "babes" to a red blooded straight male, you automatically think of a certain type of lady; usually a blonde haired busty type. I'm not trying to say that they're aren't babes that don't fit that profile (in fact that is not my type at all) but when you put it in the context of a slasher film, you expect the "babes" to be blonde, busty and scantily clad. Especially when the cover (seen above) depicts one. No, the lovely ladies in Sorority Babes in the Dance A Thon of Death (or SBITDATOD, which I tried to get trending on Twitter, didn't work) look like, well regular girls, mostly dressed in sweaters. I'm not saying they aren't good looking, but they are more Degrassi High good looking, not Beverly Hills 90210. Except for the ghoul slaying beauty at the start of the film, who we never see again (I believe she's the one on the cover) it's all "girl's next door." That brings me to plot, which is problem number two. You see, there is this ancient crystal that unleashes demons or something and it was sold to one of our beloved ladies for ten bucks at a pawn shop owned by this old man, who knew of it's power, but didn't bother to tell anyone else and allowed it to be on the shelf. Why was it there in the first place? Anyway, so the "babes" get this crystal and do a séance with it, this leads to one of the girls getting possessed. This also coincides with them trying to get into a sorority and in order to do so they must spend the night in an abandoned college and of course, anarchy ensues. So, yeah the sorority babes aren't babes and they aren't even in a sorority! And don't get me started on the fact that there was NO DANCE A THON! I think they went to a night club at some point, but they didn't even dance. False advertising people! This film has as bad production value as most shot on video films of the time with horrible lighting and I'm pretty sure I heard the director yell "CUT" at the end of one scene. The acting is terrible, but it did have some nice self referential humor as many of the characters make jokes about "not being in a terrible slasher movie". How ironic!
However, the major issue I have with "SBITDATOD" isn't the poor production value or less than stellar acting; it's the fact that it didn't have enough blood, gore or skin to make it appealing on at least a reptilian brain level (there was one groovy scene where a random guy gets melted, that was pretty good and the opening scene made the babes/blood/gore factor look promising). It was almost as if these filmmakers were trying to make a serious movie that wouldn't be your typical blood, guts and boob a thon like it's contemporaries. I commend them for that, but you have to know your audience when making a movie, especially one with this low of a budget. Give us blood, give us babes and for goodness sakes where's the Dance-A-Thon?
Best Scene: Opening scene with rocker babe slaying a ghoul in a car
Worst Scene: "CUT"
Grade: 3.5/10
Viewed on: The Cult Movie Network
While my first venture into The Cult Movie Network may not have provided me with a cinematic masterpiece, it did give me a good laugh, even if that's not what the filmmakers were going for. The streaming quality even worked for this viewing as it was clear that this was just ripped from the VHS copy, no re-mastering or anything like that, but really that's how this movie should be viewed. It's strange, as much as I love the HD quality you get from Blu-Ray, etc. I sort of miss the grittiness of VHS, tracking issues and all. However, I don't miss rewinding, I always found that to be a pain in the ass, especially when you rent a tape and someone wasn't kind and didn't rewind. GRRRR! Well, folks, I know it has been a long time since I wrote anything on this blog and methinks I need to get back into it. There will be more on here from now on and I plan to write about other things besides just B-movie reviews. But never fear true believers with titles like Thong Girl, Hell-a-Phone and Holla, If I Kill You currently streaming on The Cult Movie Network, I'll have plenty of material for that as well...
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